i love feeling guilty after reading something shockingly true.  it's so much more useful than just agreeing, because i think this reaction leads to a smug attitude about one's own spiritual condition.

i belong to a church.  Common Groung Christian Church.  my church continually sends out missionaries, helps and loves people in the surrounding community without being condescending or conditional, and presses everyone who attends to be part of a house church ideally similar to the church found in the book of Acts.  i love this church, because we don't take embarassingly public stances that backfire, we don't squabble over minutea (or over much of anything, really), we're different.

that said, tomorrow will be the first time i've gone to church in a month.  that i can say this means there is something wrong with this situation.  no, not something.  that divorces me from my responsibility.

i've felt stupid for a while now.  i know i'm not unintelligent.  i scored reasonably well on my SATs.  i have a 3.65 GPA.  but i'm a lazy sack of crap.  i dont' read my Bible.  i talk about how i should and then i don't.  i don't make the effort to keep up my relationships with others.  i'm irresponsible with schoolwork for no other reason than i don't want to do it.  i'm not in shape anymore, either.  i know i'm not a loser, but i've been acting like one long enough that i'm beginning to wonder.

i wonder how much my lack of discipline is representative of others my age.  am i an anomaly, or are others like this too?  i almost hope it's just me.  i like to think of myself as different, and it would gall me to think i've settled into a mediocre existence like the rest of the herd.

"it's time for change."  how many times can someone say that and still be taken seriously?