thorkendal's Xanga

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Sat, 22 Oct 2005 18:52:26 GMT

i'm now using myspace, as some old friends/acquaintences are over there. so if you run across this and want to chase me down, it's http://myspace.com/paulxcook

Friday, October 21, 2005

Fri, 21 Oct 2005 16:50:55 GMT

Holy cannoli. This thing is still here.

Hmm. A year's worth of updates on my life? Not likely.

I work at school now. And of course, I still school at... um. School. I'm there all the time.

And I'm married now. Whoopity do.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Tue, 28 Sep 2004 02:05:28 GMT

school this year is actually pretty cool. i should be writing my rough draft right now for a tech writing paper.

i just mailed the wedding paperwork to Common Ground last Friday. it's kind of pricey to get married there, but there are classes to take. i guess that's what it's for. still, it's awfully steep.

i'm really digging It Dies Today. i'm not really in the hardcore scene anymore i guess, but i can still enjoy the music. and dance in my livingroom when no one else is home. don't tell anyone.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Wed, 22 Sep 2004 03:10:18 GMT

i can remember when Decapolis was a great place to discuss any number of things. there were a number of people on there that i admired, and i often learned important spiritual lessons from the faith board.

Decapolis, as a message board community, is no longer like this. it's become a cesspool of moral relativism. see Vent >> Gay Men for a good example.

i wouldn't be flattered if a gay man hit on me. i might not react other than to say that "i'm not gay". but then i might be disgusted. because homosexuality is a sin, and abhorrent to the one and only true God. it's unnatural, it's biologically illogical, and it's revolting. many people on Decapolis claim to follow that God, and yet only my Sarah will speak up with courage and say "no, this is wrong." i don't know if i'll say anything, she said everything i would have.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

Sun, 05 Sep 2004 05:31:15 GMT

i love feeling guilty after reading something shockingly true. it's so much more useful than just agreeing, because i think this reaction leads to a smug attitude about one's own spiritual condition.

i belong to a church. Common Groung Christian Church. my church continually sends out missionaries, helps and loves people in the surrounding community without being condescending or conditional, and presses everyone who attends to be part of a house church ideally similar to the church found in the book of Acts. i love this church, because we don't take embarassingly public stances that backfire, we don't squabble over minutea (or over much of anything, really), we're different.

that said, tomorrow will be the first time i've gone to church in a month. that i can say this means there is something wrong with this situation. no, not something. that divorces me from my responsibility.

i've felt stupid for a while now. i know i'm not unintelligent. i scored reasonably well on my SATs. i have a 3.65 GPA. but i'm a lazy sack of crap. i dont' read my Bible. i talk about how i should and then i don't. i don't make the effort to keep up my relationships with others. i'm irresponsible with schoolwork for no other reason than i don't want to do it. i'm not in shape anymore, either. i know i'm not a loser, but i've been acting like one long enough that i'm beginning to wonder.

i wonder how much my lack of discipline is representative of others my age. am i an anomaly, or are others like this too? i almost hope it's just me. i like to think of myself as different, and it would gall me to think i've settled into a mediocre existence like the rest of the herd.

"it's time for change." how many times can someone say that and still be taken seriously?

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Wed, 01 Sep 2004 04:03:46 GMT

school has started and i already hate calculus. i've never liked math, but i stopped worrying about it a while ago because i didn't think i'd ever have to use it. but now that i'm in informatics i might have to use some part of it, so now i'm all nervous again. blah. i don't know how many of you can relate to this, but i was sitting in my class of 3 trillion students making m119, and i'm so lost that i can't even stop the teacher to ask a question, because i don't know what it is i'm confused about. she's talking, and i can hear her, but the things she's saying don't seem like things i need to know. but apparently i do. my feelings for mathematics go beyond hatred. well beyond.

i miss Sarah a lot. she's back in school down south, and it's only 40-50 minutes away, but we're both busy and i seem to work at all the wrong times. but the year is still early. it'll get better, it always does.

Gary Varvel, the political cartoonist for the Indy Star, spoke to my Visual Comm class today. very interesting stuff. he's a christian, apparently. doesn't think much of Michael Moore, either. he drew our class a nice cartoon depicting the current financial aid fiasco at IUPUI.

it's late and i need to go to bed. i meant to run this morning, but after setting my alarm for 8 this morning, i forgot to turn it on. woops.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Tue, 24 Aug 2004 06:10:26 GMT

it's new. it's improved. it's.... well. anyway. i think it's pertinent to write here again every once in a while because a lot of things in my life are changing.

i'm now engaged. yowza. Sarah Owens and i are gettin' hitched next summer. and let me tell you, i hit a home run with this chick. wait, that means something else. i meant that she's incredible and i can't believe she's going to marry me.

i got her an awesome ring. i act all modest about it, but its some serious bling, my friends.

my best friend Ryan has moved to Atlanta. i miss him, but i think he'll be happy there. he was never happy at school here.

my band has come and gone. To Die Alone may very well continue, but not in it's original incarnation, and not with me playing bass. Kyle and Trey are moving to Atlanta later this year, along with Buddy, the heir-apparent to our former singer Ryan. not the same ryan. this can get confusing. but it doesn't matter, old singer ryan is going to travel the world selling magazines. that's not a story or a joke or anything. it's for real.

i feel quite confident in my new major (informatics). i like computers a lot, and seem to have a knack for them with even minimal instruction. and an evil corporate american such as myself would never last in the field of journalism. unless i went on radio or fox news. but i want to write, not argue. i don't want slanted anything. i just want honest reporting, and no one will let me do that.

i fear a country with John Kerry as president. I don't particularly like president Bush, but i certainly don't hate him and i'm sickened by the abuse he receives on a daily basis. if there was a strong democratic candidate running against him i might vote left, but as it stands Kerry is a weak self-aggrandizing fool (i'll feel stupid if it turns out i spelled that wrong). Bush has his faults, but when i imagine the US being run by the likes of Kerry, Ted Kennedy, Hillary Clinton (i consider bill rather benign at this point) and their lapdog media, i actually feel a little ill. that isn't hyperbole, that's 2 krispy kremes fighting their way north.

i can't seem to ever get to sleep at a decent hour. i meant to get off the internet 2 hours ago. yet here i am. bah.

i'll make this journal a bit prettier when i have the time.

i wonder if anyone will read this. time to go publicize.

Friday, July 30, 2004

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 07:23:01 GMT

ho-lee crap. this thang is still here.

Saturday, July 26, 2003

Sat, 26 Jul 2003 05:05:20 GMT

sometimes i miss writing in this thing.

Monday, February 10, 2003

Mon, 10 Feb 2003 23:01:32 GMT

matt, tracey, gRegor, sheryl, jon, darla, anna, and anyone else who reads this,

i appreciate the time we've spent having fun together, and i appreciate you all in different ways. however, i've decided i'm not going to weblog anymore. my private life is a lot more important than my life online, and i'm not going to let the one degrade the quality of the other. i'd explain more, but that would nullify what i just said, to a point.

i love you all and i hope you email me, or for those that are able, that i see you soon. i'll check back for a week or so to see if anyone says anything, and i'll post comments on your xangas now and then. after that,

*poof*

gone.